STOLEN FROM THE INTERNET . . . .

Dementia

And they walk among us, AND VOTE!!
ARE WE THE ONES WITH DEMENTIA?  
ARE WE THE ONES WHO ARE AGING?
  
ONE 
Recently, I went to McDonald's and I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken Mc Nuggets.  
 I asked for a half dozen nuggets.  
 'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.  
 'You don't?' I replied.
 'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.  
 'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'  
 'That's right.'  
 So I shook my head and ordered six Mc Nuggets  
  (Unbelievable but, sadly, true...)  
  (Must have been the same one I asked for sweetener and she said they didn't have any, only Splenda and sugar.)  
  (And they think they are worth $15.00 per hour)  
 
TWO
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those dividers that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the divider, looking it all over for the bar code so she could sca
n it.  
 Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'  
 I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'  
 
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.  
 
She had no clue to what had just happened.  
  (But the lady behind me had a big smirk on her face as I left)  
 
THREE
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her DVD drive and pulling it out very quickly.  
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM thingy.  
(Keep shuddering!!)  

FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.  
 'Do you need some help?' I asked.  
 She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door un-locker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'  
 Hmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.  
 'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.  
As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'  
 
PLEASE just lie down before you hurt yourself! 
 

FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?'  'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.  
 Brunette, by the way!!  
 
SIX
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants.  
 The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'  
 Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency right now!'  
 
  Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid!!!!  
  Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too.  
  Don't laugh....it is all true...  

Perks of reaching 60 or being over 70 and heading towards 80!  
 
1.  Kidnappers are not very interested in you.  
 
2.  In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.  
 
3.  No one expects you to run--anywhere.  
 
4.  People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"  
 
5.  People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.  
 
6.  There is nothing left to learn the hard way.  
 
7.  Things you buy now won't wear out.  
 
8.  You can eat supper at 5 PM.  
 
9.  You can live without sex but not your glasses.  
 
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.  
 
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.  
 
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room,             
       Unless it’s your physical therapist daughter.
13.  You sing along with elevator music.  
 
14.  Your eyes won't get much worse.  
 
15.  Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.  
 
16.  Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather
      service.  
 
17.  Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them,
        either.  
 
18.  Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.  
 
19.  You can't remember who sent you this list.  
 
20.  And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.  

Remember Slow Food?


'Someone asked
the other day, 'What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?'

'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,

I informed him.
'All the food was slow.'

'C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?'

'It was a place called 'at
Home,'' I explained. !

'Mom cooked every day and when Dad got home
from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.'

By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid
he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table.

But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it :
Some parents NEVER owned their own house, never wore
Levis, never set foot on a golf course, never traveled out of the country or had a credit card.
In their later years they had something called a revolving
charge card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears & Roebuck.
Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died.

My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer.

I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and
only had one speed, (slow)
We didn't have a television in our house until I was 11.

It was, of course, black and white,
and the station went off the air at midnight, after playing the national anthem and a poem about God; it came back on the air at about 6 a.m. And there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people.

I was 19 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called 'pizza pie.' When I bit into it, I burned the roof of
my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had.

I never had a telephone in my room.
The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.

Pizzas were not delivered to our home. But milk was.

All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers--my
brother delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which he got to keep 2 cents. He had to get up at 6 AM every morning.

On Saturday, he had to collect the 42 cents from his customers. His favorite customers were the ones who gave
him 50 cents and told him to keep the change. His least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day.

Movie stars kissed with their mouths
shut. At least, they did in the movies. There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or most anything offensive.

If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren

Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.

Growing up isn't what it used to
be, is it?

MEMORIES from a friend

My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old.

Do you remember?

Head lights dimmer switches on the floor.

Ignition switches on the dashboard.

Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall.

Real ice boxes.

Pant leg clips for bicycles without
chain guards.

Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner.

Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.

Older Than Dirt Quiz

Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about. Ratings at the bottom.

1. Blackjack chewing gum
2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water 
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
5. Coffee shops or diners with table side jukeboxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines on the telephone
8 Newsreels before the movie
9. P.F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11.. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (there were only 3 channels...[if
you were fortunate)
12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM records
15.S&H green stamps
16. Hi-fi's
17. Metal ice trays with lever
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flashbulb
20. Packards
21. Roller skate keys
22.Cork popguns
23. Drive-ins
24. Studebakers
25. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young
If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older
If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age,
If you remembered 16-25 = You' re older than dirt!